As if there isn’t enough pressure to be beautiful as a child, a teen and a young adult now we must aspire to be MILFs and Cougars.  If this is the focus of our older generation what kind of sick message is this sending to younger generations.  I look forward to getting wiser with age, having lots of memories and experiences and mentoring younger generations.  Why is it now that there is only pressure to be hot when you’re older?

Its kind of creepy too.  I don’t have kids yet but I surely don’t want to be in my 40′s and 50′s and have my kids friends thinking I’m hot.  How embarrassing would that be for them?  I do hope to be healthy and attractive to my husband but turning heads of young pubescent boys – gross.

At what point do you get to just accept your body as it is and be happy for all the things it has done for you?

Time to get on my soap box.

I really hate when people do not re rack their weights.  Sometimes I try to look at the glass half full and think of it as a few extra reps that I’m getting in transporting the weight from the bar back to its proper home.  Most of the time its a pain in my derriere.

While lifting in the gym the other day I went to do the inclined leg pressed and noticed someone had left their 45lb plates on the machine.  I grabbed the weight, pulled it off the bar and did everything in my power to not tip over.  My 1st thought was “Why the hell can I not move with 45lbs in my hand? Am I that weak?”  I tried lifting it back to the bar but nothing.  I was stuck and was about to go down fast.  With any effort I had left I screeched Steve’s name.  It took about 3 times before he heard me and started my way.  Then I said “hurry!”  (He couldn’t see that I was in distress.)  He came to my rescue and removed the plate from my grasp.

A second look at it and I realized it was a 45kg weight which is 100lbs or not much less than I weigh.  No wonder I was about to collapse.

My point is Put Your Weights Back!  If you can lift it up to put on go the extra mile and lift it up to put back.  I had a near death experience because of some meat head’s laziness.  Ok- perhaps I’m a bit dramatic.  The gym is not the place to be lazy.

Proper gym etiquette people.
What is your biggest pet peeve from the gym?

I’m just wondering who made the rules and why did I decide I have to follow them?

Here is a list of things that I don’t do (or I do that I shouldn’t)  and I’m going to let myself be ok with it:

• I do not dress to the nines. Actually, I rarely get dressed up at all unless I have some sort of presentation at work.  Most of the time I’m found in some sort of stretchy pants, a t-shirt, no make-up and hair thrown back – Hince, the new title of the blog Healthy Hot Mess.
• On the subject of fashion – I use the same purse for every outfit.
• I don’t wash my face every night (what’s the point if I don’t wear make-up).
• I have cereal for dinner at least once a week.
• I don’t enjoy cooking.  Mainly I just hate to clean afterwards.
• I eat processed foods.  I enjoy eating process foods. I especially enjoy marshmallows and cool whip.
• I don’t separate my darks and lights in the laundry.
• I don’t follow politics. or international affairs or the economy and other big news stuff.
• I don’t invest and rarely know the balance in my checking or savings accounts.
• I don’t always understand art.
• I rarely enjoy or participate in small talk.
• I don’t own a smart phone and really don’t want too.  I don’t want to be that connected.
• I am technologically challenged.
• Many times I just plop myself down on the couch in front of the tv even when laundry needs to be done, groceries shopped for, floors cleaned and lots of other stuff.  Sometimes it takes a week or more before I get around to it.

I’m going to try my best to make peace with just being me and doing things that are fulfilling and meaningful to me instead of being some ideal super woman I have created in my head.  She’s not nearly as fun.

Confession #2:  I hate lifting weights.

I like to do cardio.  Maybe because I still have instilled in my head that cardio burns fat (sort of like the eating fat will make you fat – I’m slowly getting over that one) or maybe because I like to feel exhausted and all sweaty after a workout to feel like I’ve done anything – I rarely get that way with weights.

I use to lift weights somewhat regularly because I know its good for you.  It also would give me a since of pride when I could squat a descent amount and use better form than most guys.  I also have gotten comments about the size of my legs for as long as I can remember.  At least once a week I would have a guy ask me how I got calves like that and how they wish they had calves like mine.*  NEWSFLASH guys…most girls don’t take it as a complement when you tell them you want to be as big as them.  Thus became further reluctance to lifting weights.

This weekend I was in the gym lifting weights.  As I was doing leg presses I was feeling particularly strong and proud of myself for the weight I could put on there.  And then I had sort of a flash back to the last time got out of treatment for my eating disorder.

Before I went in, I was teaching aerobics and had some close friends who worked at the same gym on campus.  I guess it goes with out saying that I was working out obsessively doing endless amounts of cardio.  By the time I got out of the hospital/treatment  I was still on exercise restriction because of my health.  I was actually following directions and was staying away.  However, I was with one of my friends who worked at the gym one day while she went into work.  as she was checking some of the equipment, I was sitting on the leg press and I was just too tempted to try it out.  I suck what I thought was the usual weight I could press on there and couldn’t even get it to budge.  I was a little disheartened.  I moved it down about 20lbs; still nothing.   After putting it all the way down to 40lbs on the leg press (not even the inclined one, the seated one that is easier) I got the thing to move.  This of course sent me into panic mode.

After some thought from this event I realized that I wanted to have some strength.  I didn’t like feeling puny.  This was just one of the downsides of my low weight and slim grossly thin body.  Even thought I felt like achieving this body was a feat and gave me control and strength that others couldn’t achieve I now think its quite the opposite.  I was losing my strength as a person as my body wasted away.

Although many days I still long for that body and the “discipline” I had, I’m beginning to realize that the loss of physical strength was directly correlated to my strength as a person.  If I want to be able to achieve the things I want out of life, I need to be a strong woman both physically and mentally.  So, I will continue to try to convince myself that my worth and my abilities are not based on my my size.  And, I will continue to lift weights so I can become stronger – even if it does make the guys jealous.

*Perhaps one of the reasons I fell in love with my hubs is because he just told me I have sexy legs and has never said anything about their size.:)

What makes you feel strong?

I admit it, I am gullible.  I take on information without logically thinking often.

After reading this post from The Great Fitness Experiment blog I went into panic mode.  The post is about a research article from the NY Times site called The Hazards of the Couch.  Pretty much it says that the more you sit the more unhealthy you are and not even exercise can counter act that.

So, does that mean I’m wasting much of my day sweating?  I exercise a lot (ok probably too much).  I also sit a lot.  Most of my workday is done sitting.  I enjoy coming home after a long day and sitting to snuggle with my husband and furry animals.  I also like to read – which I do sitting.

Seriously, the past 2 days I have had to take a Xanax just to sit.  I was standing all evening until I went to bed, even while reading on Tuesday night.  I kept making excuses to walk around campus at work.  I just knew that I was sitting here gaining weight, clogging my arteries.  I wouldn’t even ride the bike for exercise because I was sitting while doing it. My negative self talk had kicked in telling me how lazy I was and wondering how maybe I could possibly afford to put a treadmill in my office.

Fortunately, before any major purchase and too many weird glances for not being able to sit still my rational brain kicked in.  Just because I got a new piece of information does not make it automatically come true.  This has been my routine for years and I am perfectly healthy (well, physically at least),  I’m way more active than the average person and I’ve never actually have seen my thighs grow while I’m sitting.

Its amazing how my brain can take a little information and blow it out of proportion.  As I sit here typing (non- drug induced sitting) I realize I do that too often.  I need to take information that I receive, even if it is researched and from a reliable source, with a grain of thought.  This includes all exercise, healthy living, diet, work information I get.  I need to know myself better, know how I work best and what should apply to me.  Most research can be twisted around anyways.

Anyone else out there ever come across some information you may have taken a little too seriously?  What brings you back to your rational thinking?

I am a health educator at a university which means I talk about sexual health and alcohol to students in some way on most days.  I get a few other topics in but those are the biggest.  So, I refer to myself sometimes as the sexpert (I have also been referred to as the condom lady).  I know a ridiculous amount of information and spout out statistics in my sleep about sexual health.  My husband on the other hand not so much (DISCLAIMER:  sexual health knowledge is not related to sexual performance).  I have to admit it has improved since a.  knowing me and b. attending PA school.  Let me give you an example:

A few years ago when I first got Steve to ride a bike before his first ride I said to him, “you may want to invest in some bike shorts with the padding for the sake of your boys.  They are a bit pricey though”

Steve:  “really how much?”
Me:  “They average about $60.  It just depends on how nice a pair you want”
Steve:  “I think I’ll just stick to my gym shorts”
Me (in a joking tone):  “You could always just put a maxi pad in your shorts.  That’s what they feel like anyways”
Steve:  uncomfortable giggle

About 2hrs later at the end of our bike ride:

Steve:  “You were right.  I think next time I’m gonna use a tampon”
Me (trying to control my laughter):  “What are you gonna do with a tampon?”
Steve:  “You know, put it in my area so it won’t hurt”
Me:  “Ummm, I think you will experience a whole new sort of pain with that one”

I then sat him down and explained to him tampons, pads and other such things he was clueless about.

Anyways getting to the point of the story.  Steve has been asked to assist with a program in our church called Created by God which teaches 5th and 6th graders about sexual health, puberty and related stuff.  This is also funny because Steve is not your typical “church” guy.  Don’t get me wrong, he believes in God and is faithful, he’s just a little abrupt and honest at times.  Again, case in point:

Steve and Me at the alter praying together during communion one Sunday.  (This was about year or 2 ago before he knew what he wanted to do and got into  PA school)

Steve:  “thank you God for what you’ve given to us so far and directing us.  I’m just confused about what I should do, things    aren’t working out like I thought.  Could you just  let me know what the F### I’m suppose to do with my life?”

Me: nudging him very hard “Steve you can’t cuss in church!  God doesn’t hear your prayer when you cuss”  (I don not believe this it just felt like what I should say)

Steve:  “What?  I cussed?  What did I say?”

He is sometimes oblivious to things he says and what comes out of his mouth.  He blames it on his being raised in NJ.  I don’t mind most of the time but sometimes his mouth can get him in trouble.  So this is why I think it will be hilarious to have him teach sex to 5th and 6th graders.  I’m just hoping he doesn’t use terms like “score, boner, get some and screw”

If anyone does read this and is interested, I’ll keep you posted.

Don’t you love when strangers feel the need to comment on your appearance? I believe (unlike my cynical husband) that most people do not intentionally want to hurt people but sometimes they inadvertently do.
Case in point:
Today as I was leaving the gym from my lunch time work out an older man stepped in my path to talk to me. He said to me “I am very impressed by you.” The thought in my head He must have seen how fast I was running. He then continued, “You have lost a lot of weight and have maintained. You come in here like 2 or 3 times a day don’t you?” Me: Ummmm Him continuing, “just kidding, but I have seen you at least 3 times a week. You are doing a good job, keep it up.” Me: Uhhh ok, thanks I’ll try.
The following list of thoughts went through my head:
Did I need to lose weight? Was I too heavy before? I’m trying to not exercise and restrict, what if I go back to that weight. I was right, I was too big.
Yes, actually I do work out 2 or 3 times a day on most days and have been for a long time. This is not anything new. Why are you just now recognizing it? (Yes I realize this is a very sick ed related thought).
I should lose more weight, he did say keep up the good work. Maybe he meant I still need to lose.
Ok, so all of these are irrational thoughts. (at least I can recognize them) Just because I recognize them as that, doesn’t mean they aren’t there and screaming to me.
I should not be angry at this poor little man for his kind encouragement but it totally reached that crazy part of my brain that I so desperately try to keep turned off and turned it up to full volume.
My rule of thumb is never comment about people’s appearance -especially their weight. You never know how they may take it – they could be just as much of a loon as I am.

1.  Not having to travel to TN every other week.

2.  Ghetto small town businesses.  (I try not to judge but seriously, making your own double wide?)

3.  I am healthy and my body is able to support me and keep doing activities I enjoy.

4.  Friends to celebrate Christmas with  (we had a Mexican Christmas and I had a Japanese Christmas with another group of friends)

4.  My furry children

5.  My family (even if they are a little rough around the edges)

6.  Christmas Music

7.  Knowing that Steve will be super surprised with the perfect Christmas gift in the morning.  He has no idea.  For some reason he thinks he’s getting a sweater   (Its a road bike…shhh)

8.  Friends that are more like family.

9.  Being able to have all the things I need and a lot of the stuff I want.

9.5.  (I forgot one but didn’t want to have to redo my numbers but also wanted to save best for last)

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

10.  And  most of all for this Christmas I am thankful for  Steve being able to do clinical rotations back “home”  We get to  live together again.  Woop woop!